The Solitary Journey
I wrote this in 2016, today 4 years ago. This self realisation work is what I focus on everyday. It is my soul purpose....
I am keeping it real, grounded and extraordinarily simple.
Spirituality is my solitary journey, a life long pilgrimage, a calling, a vocation of sorts that explores the caves and crevices of my innermost being, uncovering and tentatively revealing the duality of both darkness and light that humanly lurks within me. These two life long allies reside amicably like ocean waves rising and falling allowing each other 'stage time' for expression to my own detriment at times.
The many, many layers of this onion continues to reveal more and more of the deliciousness that has patiently waited, since my birth, to be tasted, felt, loved, acknowledged, owned and shared by me.
And the years of thick steel armoured caging allowed this estranged beauty to peer out with innocent eyes at the world that continually scared her back into her hiding space, back to her safe place of self protective numbness and self imposed separation.
However, in my yearning to know myself fully and as the egg finally cracks open, I have learned that my outer experiences has always reflected my inner world. I fearfully observed and timidly untrusted the 'big bad wolf' world and it's people outside of myself.
My readiness in this ever-changing present moment, is to observe what is, how it was and not judging it good or bad. It just is, it just was. There were no mistakes.
I am learning more and more each day to sit comfortably and lovingly with all of my wide-ranging human emotions, anger, grief, fear, frustration, regret etc...
I keenly observe the triggers, I take note of my continual self- sabotaging thoughts that have escalated the severity of my emotions at times, (usually self-criticising or self judgement notions).
I am now owning ALL of my emotions (the uncomfortable ones always showing me were I have still more work to do) and I observe how quickly I've unconsciously projected on to others. As I witness this in myself, I take full responsibility for where I am and how I respond in every moment. I embrace, hold and love myself through the uncomfortableness of these blessed triggered emotional states. As the uncomfortableness is consciously acknowledged by me, it releases from its hiding place, it moves and then alchemises through my heart chakra and integrates,
The lower density emotions , anger, fear, grief etc trapped in the three lower chakras are just the energy of love, heavily disguised and waiting to be transmuted back into the energy of love,
Everyday I learn a little more about who I really am. I now know that who I once thought I was, was indeed a mirage of other people's projections plus my own self critical thoughts and actions that I personalised and made my truth!
I am, not who you say I am...
I am, who I say I am, nothing else matters...
I am the keeper of my own truth and someone else's truth need not be my truth and visa versa. And in uncovering my own truth I discovered a life long self deception that was of my own making and my world reflected this truth back to me in all sorts of chaotic and painful ways.
I am now keeping it real, grounded and extraordinary simple.
The divine truth at my core is driving me forward and onwards on my spiritual quest for union with my Divine source - with God.
My day to day job is to work on myself and to continually uncover and act on all real and awakened truth within me.
My own truth has always been and will always be my
'Anam Cara'-my own 'soul friend'....